These aren't the roids you're looking for

These Aren’t The ‘Roids You’re Looking For

So with my doctor’s visit last month, and the results from the bowel screening test, it was decided I had to return to the hospital for another colonoscopy. While the test results came back all good, the doctor was still worried about the blood I’d reported in my poop, most likely from the giganto-haemorrhoid that kept bulging every time I strained. To be honest, I recall having a haemorrhoid back in 2005, but it’s been going pretty strong for the past five years, and wasn’t removed in 2020 when I’d had a previous colonoscopy.

Last Thursday was the big day. No more Mr H to give me grief.

The day before was also a big day as when I woke I’d already been fasting for 12 hours. I had to go another 24 hours without food to make it to my appointment, plus an extra four to go through with waiting, and the procedure.  I did two litres of Glycoprep on Wednesday evening and it slowly cleared me out. It was so gross, way worse then the Picoprep. Then on the Thursday I drank the third litre of Glycoprep an hour early because we needed to get the 5am bus to get to Nambour Hospital by 7am.

It’s a 20 minute drive on a normal day, but this bus ride took us on the scenic route to Noosa, Eumundi and then to Nambour Station, about 60km in total. With another 800m walk up the steep hill to get to the hospital. For the last 70 minutes of the bus ride, plus the walk to the hospital,  I clenched like hell. I had no way to release it. Got in the door, raced to the bathroom and let it flow. Feels so good.

The other option was to taxi/Uber it, but for $70 it was just too much.

About 9am I was carted into the operation theatre and right away the anaesthetic was inserted into the cannula they’d earlier shoved into my hand, an oxygen mask placed over my mouth and I turned to my side, closed my eyes.

“Wakey wakey…”

It was all over by 11am. Done. And boy was I thirsty. Some crackers and water were soon consumed, clothes put back on, and I was out the door. The colonoscopy went fine – no polyps were found this time – and they’d inserted three bands around the haemorrhoid/s. I could feel some pressure in my butt, but it wasn’t too bad.

We walked to a nearby Hungry Jacks for a Triple Cheeseburger meal – that was heaps tasty – and then got two more buses home. Once home, I had a nap, watched some telly, then went to bed. Had the beginnings of a great sleep until waking around 2am with a literal buttload of pain. It wasn’t intense, just a 5/10 soreness that was unrelenting. I couldn’t sleep on my back, my side, my stomach… I could barely sit on the couch, with and without a donut cushion. Friday’s pain was just as strong and never went away, and I couldn’t tell if I needed to fart, wee, or poop. It all felt wrong down/back there. I couldn’t strain too much in fear the banding would break.

Each day since Thursday the pain has reduced. Yesterday when going to the toilet, there was was some reddish meaty looking thing in the bowl which looked like boiled meat. I’m guessing the haemorrhoid had broken off and passed, as there was a tiny bit of blood, and the pressure felt it had reduced. I’m taking Metamucil every day again to help keep everything soft and regular, with minimal straining. I’m not sitting for 15 minutes reading Wheels magazine or scrolling through Facebook Marketplace for cars I’m not going to buy. Just sit, poop, shower, and then check everything feels okay back there. Thankfully, it does for now.

I totally recommend listening to your body, spesh when it’s telling you something isn’t right. Go see a doctor, go get your blood tests and bowel screen tests done. You can’t put a price on health.